I haven't felt like this in... FOREVER.

I've never been THIS frustrated in three years. I've never felt this broken hearted. I've never felt my whole body quiver when I cry. I've never felt this lost while venting. I don't even know where to start. I guess I should start with the story. I don't want to tell the story just how I feel.

So apparently I told Mark earlier this summer that he could have my mini-fridge. It was awhile back ago, I think. Well, my dad had been using it to store some temperature senstive items... kinda like how fridges are typically used. Well, Mark showed up this morning he was off to Baylor. I forgot to check my phone since my cousins came over yesterday. I wasn't exactly expecting him to show up. I mean he really didn't tell me what's up. I forgot the Baylor kids I'm close to have to be back a bit early to set up and organize. Well I saw this ice chest in the kitchen. Perfect. It already has ice in it. So I moved all the stuff into the icebox. Most of it was in boxes. It was by lucky coincidence that there was a fridge being delivered today. So when it arrived they plugged it in and...

I just don't want to end up like my dad. Sometimes I feel like I find things that are going wrong just for the sake of finding problems with others. I think I've become cynical of people. No, I take that back. I've actually gotten better. In the 4 years of college I went from being a loner that didn't know who to turn to because I thought everyone was a jerk to someone who learned to empower others by love. I don't know when he comes home yelling and screaming and wanting something and it never being enough, never onto what needs to be done to recover still focused on the problems... it's like he wants to be angry. Sometimes I'm like that. I don't want to be like that. All I know is I can't stay here. I've realized I have too much associated here that I don't actually grow up. I just want to be something... else. Not this.